Charlie Bit Me!
by PenPistola
Summary: Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin.


**From the Inception kink meme:**

**Prompt:** "CHARLIE BIT ME. AND THAT REALLY HURT, CHARLIE, AND IT'S STILL... HUUUURTING."

**A/N:** I can't believe I actually did research for this. I don't even know anymore. Arthur/Eames, 654 words, rated PG for Pigs, Goddammit! Wish I owned Inception, but I don't. Please don't sue.

Arthur's hands hitched and crumpled the paper on the tabletop outlining the plan for the next job.

"Problem?" asked Cobb.

"Ahhhh..." Arthur's eyes were glazed. No one else was at an angle to see what was going on under the table, but Eames, sitting next to him, smiled and averted his widened eyes. He then very pointedly slammed both hands down on the table and pushed himself out of his metal chair with a screech.

"Little boys' room," said Eames in lieu of a real explanation.

"We'll be right back," Arthur added hastily, and he turned to follow Eames out of the room they'd been using for planning. "Just some, ah, stuff to do with the forgery that c-could be put in jeopardy if everyone knew it." He stood there in the doorway for a second more, and Cobb raised an eyebrow at him. Arthur started and finally ducked out of the room.

"He thinks we don't know," Ariadne snickered after a couple of moments of silence.

Yusuf turned to her, blinking. "Know what?"

"That they're fucking."

A snort. "Oh. Well, everybody knows that."

Saito drummed his fingers against the table impatiently. "How long do you think they'll take?" The question was directed at Cobb, but it was Ariadne who answered.

"Usually between four and five minutes. Eames _is_ pretty easy."

They all stared at her.

"What?" she grinned uneasily. "You mean you haven't been timing them? Not even... paying attention a little bit?"

Nobody said anything else for a few seconds, and Ariadne awkwardly pulled her iPhone from her purse and began twiddling with it. But it was only two minutes before something happened.

"Ahh, _CHARLIE_!" the voice floated from down the hall, drawing nearer. Everyone's eyes snapped to the open door, where Arthur walked in rubbing his shoulder through his mussed collar.

"What?" Yusuf ventured.

It must have been bad, because in that moment Arthur threw propriety out the window. "Charlie bit me!" he cried, scandalized.

"Charlie... Eames? Did what?" said Ariadne, dumbfounded and a little bit turned on. Just then Eames swaggered in the door after him, looking mightily pleased with himself.

"Hallo," he grinned, and without further preamble moved behind Arthur and bit the point man hard on the ear.

"Ahh!" Arthur squirmed weakly, but Eames had his teeth dug in, still grinning. "Ooh! Ouch! Ouch, Charlie!" Everyone stared as Arthur tried to pull away, but Eames wasn't letting up. "OOOOWWWW!"

Finally Eames released him with a quick swipe of his tongue along the bite. Arthur immediately backhanded him, eliciting an "oof" and then clapped the hand to his ear. There were teeth marks in it. "Charlie, that really hurt!"

"Heh heh," Eames snickered, moving around the table next to Saito and out of Arthur's reach. Getting popped in the mouth had been totally worth it.

"What exactly is going on here?" Saito demanded, slamming a fist down on the table and startling them.

Arthur's mouth fell open, as if he'd only just realized what had happened and what he'd said. To the entire. Group. "...Chhhharlie bit me," he tried, drawing out the first syllable awkwardly. And then he shook his head angrily and whipped around to pin Eames with a glare. "And that really hurt!" Eames just shrugged cheerfully. "And it's still..." Arthur sniffed, indignant, "hurting."

"O...kay," said Yusuf. "Back to work?" Poor Arthur was so red in the face by now that everyone just decided to forget the whole incident had ever happened.

At least until a few hours later, when Arthur checked his inbox and found an email from Ariadne. It was a link to an iPhone video that'd had its audio track run through the "I Am T-Pain" iPhone app. Whatever that was. He clicked it out of morbid curiosity. And blanched.

Halfway through the shakily recorded video a hand came down on Arthur's shoulder, right over the bite mark from earlier. "Hell," Eames grinned. "I didn't know you could sing."


End file.
